What is Self Sabotage?

On 29th May at 8pm, Ali & Vicky will be hosting a free webinar called Unlearning Self Sabotage, but what actually is it?!

Self Sabotage... sounds like something you'd only do if you really had it in for yourself right? Maybe some obvious things have sprung to mind, like wracking up a massive debt on nothing in particular, or staying in a relationship you know is toxic. But this blanket term actually refers to a vast range of behaviours, many of which we have been doing our whole lives without even realising that they are holding us back. They are so ingrained in our conditioned behaviour that we don't know that we have the option to do something else!

Before you read on to find out what they are, let me first say that - if you are engaging in any of these behaviours they are not your fault and they are not actually the problem. They are a solution that you learned in early life to protect you from something. They worked at that time, and have been carried forward into adulthood. They may no longer be working for you and that is what our free webinar is for!

Here is a sample of self-sabotaging behaviour:

Perfectionism: Holding excessively high standards for yourself and feeling inadequate when you are unable to meet them, leading to procrastination and avoidance of pursuing opportunities.
Procrastination: Putting off essential or important tasks, often due to fear of failure, success, or uncertainty about how to proceed. Sometimes with the belief that you are too busy.
People-Pleasing: Saying yes when you really mean no! Prioritising others' needs and opinions over your own, or excessively worrying about what others might think of you and acting in accordance with these worries, often at the expense of yourself.
Sabotaging Relationships: Engaging in behaviors that undermine healthy relationships, such as mistrust, jealousy, neediness or aloofness.
Setting Unrealistic Goals: Establishing goals that are overly ambitious or unattainable with the expectation that you should be able to achieve them by x time (don't get us wrong, we are all for having and pursuing dreams, with healthy curiousity for what you can make happen given the right conditions and timeframes)
Lack of Boundaries: Having no, or too flexible personal boundaries, (see people pleasing!) leading to burnout, resentment, and strained relationships.
Overcommitting: Saying yes to too many obligations or responsibilities, which can result in feelings of overwhelm, decreased effectiveness, and the neglecting of self care. Often when people say they don't have enough time, really they are overcommitted and reprioritisation is required.
Self-Handicapping: Intentionally creating obstacles or excuses to justify potential failure, preserving one's self-esteem but hindering success.
Escapism/Seeking distractions: Using food, entertainment, social media, or daydreaming to sooth uncomfortable feelings and help you avoid facing challenges, responsibilities and preventing you from engaging in truly beneficial leisure.
Financial Self-Sabotage: Engaging in impulsive spending, overspending, or neglecting financial responsibilities, leading to debt or financial insecurity.
Lack of Self-Care: Neglecting your physical and/or emotional wellbeing by not prioritising those important activities such as exercise, sleep, time to yourself, pursuing hobbies, or seeking support (often linked to other behaviours like overcommitment and procrastination)
Comparison: Comparing yourself unfavourably to others, leading to feelings of failure, inadequacy and damaging your self worth.
Avoiding Feedback: Fearing, resisting or dismissing constructive feedback or criticism, thus limiting your chances to learn and grow.
Attribution of Success to Luck: Similar to Imposter Syndrome, this self doubting behaviour involves discounting your achievements as luck rather than acknowledging the role you played. This can be done in conversations with others, or just in conversation with yourself.

Does any of this sound like you?

Don't worry - all of us engage in some of this from time to time. These are techniques that we learnt in childhood and adolescence to help us cope while we navigated life from that more vulnerable perspective. If adult you would like to unlearn some of your self-sabotaging behaviour then please join us for our free webinar, Weds 29th May (register to join us or to be able to watch the recording, available for 7 days after the event).

In this free webinar we will be exploring:

Root Causes: Learn more about the underlying beliefs and behaviors that perpetuate self-sabotage - how they were formed, why they persist and how to heal them.

Mindset techniques: Learn powerful tools to help you rewire your brain, cultivate new patterns of thinking and bring increased resilience to your life.

Practical Take homes: Leave with actionable tools and exercises to implement immediately, enabling you to begin breaking free from self-limiting behaviors, opening you up to new opportunities and adventures!